still too hard

i thought i would be ok for work today seeing that i was planning on drowning myself in monday paperwork.  sadly, this paperwork never materialized and i find myself procrastinating daily tasks and my mind begins to wander.

i should have stayed at home, but then again i do wonder whether staying at home would have been worse.  but at least there i didn't have to pretend everything was ok or have to close a door due to unplanned tears, i could have drowned in daytime talk tv and in pupster cuddles.  yes, cuddles, that would have been better.

"want to join me?" yes, please yes.

too hard...

i know you can't really read it, and i meant for it to just melt into the background, but it says sometimes it's too hard.  and you know, sometimes it is.

it's only the 4th of the new year but i feel like it's too hard.  this year started so damn hopeful and quickly just fell.  what can i say?  dreams and hopes and hidden wishes just ripped open to the cold and flew away.

am i being dramatic.  yes, i am being overly dramatic.  but somehow today, and for the next week, i deserve it.  my pity party is well under way and i deserve it.  maybe in a few weeks i can write about it because i am trying to be a bit more open in my life, but right now, i get to keep it to myself.